Over the past few days, friends have been contacting me about Derek Delguadio's show, In & Of Itself, which played in New York several years ago for more than 500 performances, and which is now available on Hulu.
I wanted to express my gratitude to you for writing this. I saw you in "The Magic Life" which I learned about from the movie "Dealt."
Reading this has been super helpful for me.
I have a tendency to idolize the exceptional folks. Just like you idolized David Blaine, I idolized the magician Garrett Thomas, who I knew from growing up in Buffalo and who I met as a kid at Four Jokers Magic shop (now closed).
I lived in LA for a summer in pursuit of becoming a film writer/director (my idols were the Coen brothers). In LA, I met people who were talented, but not successful, doing work as assistants, designing DVD covers. I too decided that "I didn't want to be one of those guys," -- a quote that you said in "The Magic Life."
Now I'm 37. I look back at people I knew from that time, and I see the kind of work they are doing: wedding photography, commercials. I'm happy that I decided to go to med school. I would rather be a middle-of-the-pack MD rather than a middle-of-the-pack writer/director or magician.
Still, I think I have some angst over the "road not taken," over sacrificing my art. I look at Richard Turner or Garrett Thomas' skill in awe. Your piece helped me see that it's OK to want balance, and that being a doctor with an art hobby is perfectly fine. To make a living at the arts is, I think, objectively harder than making a living as a doctor. There is less carrying capacity in those harsh ecosystems.
I love this line you wrote: "To me, the existential sadness of identity crisis is nearly synonymous with the human condition itself, a basic ennui that we all feel from time to time but do not let consume us." We all have to weave together one life out of many different threads. Even Richard Turner is not only a card magician. He's a father, son, blind person, and now, motivational speaker (he had to give up the rugged cowboy identity to take on this one).
Reading your piece has given me more peace about my choices in life. For work, you do something that's not glamorous, but it's useful. While you have an interest in art / magic, you chose not to pursue it as a career for similar reasons as me. And you've seem to not let the ennui of identity crisis consume you.
Thank you, once again, for writing this. It's helped me a lot.
By the way, the card routine you did in "The Magic Life" was fantastic.
Thank you for reading the post and providing such a meaningful reply.
In truth I did not know that anyone actually saw the movie The Magic Life! I have often felt that my posts here were similarly going into the ether—never to be seen or ‘heard’ by anyone or making much of a difference to anyone.
So I am delighted that you saw the movie (even though I don’t think I am especially well depicted in it) and that you have been positively affected by my words and reflections. Despite not pursuing magic as a profession any more, I have continued to practice magic and I believe that I am one of the best out there at what I do—tabled card work. A few magicians know me for my card work, but I’m hardly a household name in magic or to the public obviously. I did publish an effect last year in Genii so I felt good about that!
Regarding your comment:
Pop culture and secularism preach on behalf of the id, the Freudian term for the part of our thoughts that advocates for our animal desires and impulses. Do what you love—only do what you love. Follow your heart, and such…
While it is important that the id is acknowledged and fed, it is equally important that it does not rule us, as impulsivity and the relentless pursuit of pleasure are the hallmarks of addiction, not satisfaction. Once the id is fed, it is not sated, but emboldened and strengthened, and the more impulsivity takes over the harder it becomes to exercise rationality and control. They are opposing muscles, and whichever is fed becomes stronger, thus weakening the other.
Like you, there are times when I wonder about the ‘road not taken’. But most reflective people feel that to some extent, and the way I deal with it is with compartmentalization of my behaviors: some things i do for pragmatism, other things I do for pleasure, and still other things I do for spiritual fulfillment—no one thing satisfies all these needs. Unlike pursuing magic as a career that could theoretically address all three, I have chosen to pursue different avenues that cater to each need. The id is not the only needy element of the psyche. Aristotle put it that “Happiness is the perfection of human nature. Since man is a rational animal, human happiness depends on the exercise of his reason.”
So if our reason leads us to tame our ids in pursuit of other virtues, that’s a good thing.
I wish you the best in finding balance. I am nowhere near nirvana, but as I get older and analyze my life choices, the rationality and wisdom behind them becomes more evident to me…and I’m thankful for that.
Totally agree that pop/consumer/secular culture are telling us to go full throttle on the id/monster and to some extent, the lion. I was into this youtube channel a while back: https://www.youtube.com/@Charismaoncommand, which is all about increasing our social acceptance. Now I realize that social acceptance or pleasure, on their own, are empty. Hitler was charismatic / well liked by many and probably had lots of pleasure in life (cocaine, power). But he didn't have higher values like compassion.
It took me some years to realize that it's no bueno to be feeding the lion and monster without having higher values. One frame that seems to help is contemplating mortality: if I were to die right now, would I care about this thing that I'm doing/thinking about?
"Discipline begets discipline" said Richard Turner, in an interview with Tim Ferriss. Conversely, cheat days beget cheat days.
I'm working on a post about what I learned from Richard Turner, who is the man that connected us :). I'll share it when it's done.
Thanks for replying. What a cool experience to be chatting like this! The internet is magic!
P.S. It's so cool you are continuing to practice magic, and congrats on publishing the effect. If the stars align, perhaps I can go to one of your shows if I'm in LA (I'm living in Hawaii, family is in NY state)
https://open.substack.com/pub/thebiographyproject/p/dealt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=1yt4v just wrote this, inspired in part by this post
Very nice Dan. Hope to have some time to comment more later!
I wanted to express my gratitude to you for writing this. I saw you in "The Magic Life" which I learned about from the movie "Dealt."
Reading this has been super helpful for me.
I have a tendency to idolize the exceptional folks. Just like you idolized David Blaine, I idolized the magician Garrett Thomas, who I knew from growing up in Buffalo and who I met as a kid at Four Jokers Magic shop (now closed).
I lived in LA for a summer in pursuit of becoming a film writer/director (my idols were the Coen brothers). In LA, I met people who were talented, but not successful, doing work as assistants, designing DVD covers. I too decided that "I didn't want to be one of those guys," -- a quote that you said in "The Magic Life."
Now I'm 37. I look back at people I knew from that time, and I see the kind of work they are doing: wedding photography, commercials. I'm happy that I decided to go to med school. I would rather be a middle-of-the-pack MD rather than a middle-of-the-pack writer/director or magician.
Still, I think I have some angst over the "road not taken," over sacrificing my art. I look at Richard Turner or Garrett Thomas' skill in awe. Your piece helped me see that it's OK to want balance, and that being a doctor with an art hobby is perfectly fine. To make a living at the arts is, I think, objectively harder than making a living as a doctor. There is less carrying capacity in those harsh ecosystems.
I love this line you wrote: "To me, the existential sadness of identity crisis is nearly synonymous with the human condition itself, a basic ennui that we all feel from time to time but do not let consume us." We all have to weave together one life out of many different threads. Even Richard Turner is not only a card magician. He's a father, son, blind person, and now, motivational speaker (he had to give up the rugged cowboy identity to take on this one).
Reading your piece has given me more peace about my choices in life. For work, you do something that's not glamorous, but it's useful. While you have an interest in art / magic, you chose not to pursue it as a career for similar reasons as me. And you've seem to not let the ennui of identity crisis consume you.
Thank you, once again, for writing this. It's helped me a lot.
By the way, the card routine you did in "The Magic Life" was fantastic.
Hi Dan,
Thank you for reading the post and providing such a meaningful reply.
In truth I did not know that anyone actually saw the movie The Magic Life! I have often felt that my posts here were similarly going into the ether—never to be seen or ‘heard’ by anyone or making much of a difference to anyone.
So I am delighted that you saw the movie (even though I don’t think I am especially well depicted in it) and that you have been positively affected by my words and reflections. Despite not pursuing magic as a profession any more, I have continued to practice magic and I believe that I am one of the best out there at what I do—tabled card work. A few magicians know me for my card work, but I’m hardly a household name in magic or to the public obviously. I did publish an effect last year in Genii so I felt good about that!
Regarding your comment:
Pop culture and secularism preach on behalf of the id, the Freudian term for the part of our thoughts that advocates for our animal desires and impulses. Do what you love—only do what you love. Follow your heart, and such…
While it is important that the id is acknowledged and fed, it is equally important that it does not rule us, as impulsivity and the relentless pursuit of pleasure are the hallmarks of addiction, not satisfaction. Once the id is fed, it is not sated, but emboldened and strengthened, and the more impulsivity takes over the harder it becomes to exercise rationality and control. They are opposing muscles, and whichever is fed becomes stronger, thus weakening the other.
Like you, there are times when I wonder about the ‘road not taken’. But most reflective people feel that to some extent, and the way I deal with it is with compartmentalization of my behaviors: some things i do for pragmatism, other things I do for pleasure, and still other things I do for spiritual fulfillment—no one thing satisfies all these needs. Unlike pursuing magic as a career that could theoretically address all three, I have chosen to pursue different avenues that cater to each need. The id is not the only needy element of the psyche. Aristotle put it that “Happiness is the perfection of human nature. Since man is a rational animal, human happiness depends on the exercise of his reason.”
So if our reason leads us to tame our ids in pursuit of other virtues, that’s a good thing.
I wish you the best in finding balance. I am nowhere near nirvana, but as I get older and analyze my life choices, the rationality and wisdom behind them becomes more evident to me…and I’m thankful for that.
Thank you again for writing.
Michael
I like the tripartite psyche model of Plato:
there's the man, who seeks truth
the lion, who seeks social acceptance
the monster, who seeks pleasure
Totally agree that pop/consumer/secular culture are telling us to go full throttle on the id/monster and to some extent, the lion. I was into this youtube channel a while back: https://www.youtube.com/@Charismaoncommand, which is all about increasing our social acceptance. Now I realize that social acceptance or pleasure, on their own, are empty. Hitler was charismatic / well liked by many and probably had lots of pleasure in life (cocaine, power). But he didn't have higher values like compassion.
It took me some years to realize that it's no bueno to be feeding the lion and monster without having higher values. One frame that seems to help is contemplating mortality: if I were to die right now, would I care about this thing that I'm doing/thinking about?
"Discipline begets discipline" said Richard Turner, in an interview with Tim Ferriss. Conversely, cheat days beget cheat days.
I'm working on a post about what I learned from Richard Turner, who is the man that connected us :). I'll share it when it's done.
Thanks for replying. What a cool experience to be chatting like this! The internet is magic!
P.S. It's so cool you are continuing to practice magic, and congrats on publishing the effect. If the stars align, perhaps I can go to one of your shows if I'm in LA (I'm living in Hawaii, family is in NY state)